Monday 29 March 2010

"Perhaps misunderstanding and aggressive ignorance are ways to gouge
away. No expectations. Initial intrigue inspires and step closer as
usual desire suggests,but leave out of touch. W/o affirmation
requested. Hiding in plain sight. Action still takes place.'

what i meant (and this is going straight to my blog for all the world to not see)

"perhaps misunderstanding and aggressive ignorance are ways to gouge away."
my older brother is a nerd chemical engineer genius. he used to beat me at chess regularly. so one day when i was about 15, i decided to start making deliberately irrational decisions. trying to find the dumbest thing to do-not in the sense of just giving up pieces,but just nonsensical movements. and boy wld they chap his ass cuz he had these movements he wanted to execute.
i also think of a joke i like to play on myself: try to pick out of yr music selection what which you want to hear the least. and be honest.
misunderstanding and aggressive ignorance(the ignorance tied to aggression cuz it is obliviously confident, and battles with that which the "belabored w knowledge educated" are emotionally or rationally weighed and tired out into theorizing and non-action)

gouge away:implications of battling with (note: i say battling not harmonizing...i will play that side of the fence later) a "they" who are they but in a way our own selves and our own potential lowest common denominator? does it become about death and quality of life? gouge away at what? the seemingly knowable,i guess. the things taken for truth. for sake of ego in exploration. relative to previous movements in art...i see how this one can fall backwards in many directions. gouge away at ways to ease existence. to go off in a direction as yet unconsidered simply for the sake of hoping by accident, a new aspect of what ? life itself? ...will be hard to fathom. my thoughts still stay within range of images from books and my memories.

where are the dynamics in harmony? gouge away, you can gouge away...the pixies song,of course.
but gouge away, i recall seeing in my mind either a sudden tangent at an odd angle thru blackness of space or a tear in fabric of "now"..tiger shreds style...and before me i see in these tears other truths,other lives- or hell..some forest, somewhere else.or some whatever... that exists
...all that crap..i say crap because i don't believe in the practicality of the effort. not really. starts to become academic. can i learn from those before me? of course! part of this gouging is in defiance to research itself. ignorance and misunderstanding really dont exist. due to the fact all interpret and recall from exp what they will.( prolly from something that dictated this prior to their birth.)-again it falls backwards i know...the hypocrisy...logic vs emotion....facts or defined points of perspective-inform feelings...but feelings select imprint's saturation and even tweak fact. fuck i cld start quoting anne bradstreet or diogenes etc blah...hmmm..gouge away..means explore or make it new,of course. the plea for validity in ignorance was the upshot. plea for validity of laziness. for allowing people to just be themselves and be allowed to change their minds at will. isnt that bullshit if i ever heard it? ...thinking of rauschenberg's white canvases. thinking how i hate the need to show knowledge of predecessors,of how much is instinctive the rest is expression of it, and how that expression of it is recorded in our collective accessible memories as a flag. or a launching point.
it makes no as an artist. me migrating and sort of reverse gerrymandering..the negative space that defines me is based on in the moment ,is also gouged away my truth. which is ignorant. i dont know anything. i really am rationalizing as i go. i dont know. i do have intentions,tho. i do exist. consistently. i hate that i sounded like a 13 yr old in this..isnt that silly? in being truly ignorant,the thing i want..i get it. anyways...

"no expectations"

this comes from infatuation vs love. being in love. courting. recognizing feelings and that time period it takes for them to overlap into... expectations. and its all down hill practicalities boring real life shit from there....memory imprint transplanting like 4' 33 or quotes like we cannot know our last love if we dont truly forget our expectations seeks to (by previous knowledge) sort of cheat..fuck an a... death. the thing that we focused on by forgetting we were aware of life was the thing itself. but to be aware,to point at it,define it..acknowledge it..or react to it??(i consider reactions to life to be art-otherwise it's just life) stops its motion. thinks of quantum laws now..but not really cuz i am ignorant to them in full...relative to what goal...goals vs paths. control is such a stupid word,is so easy to control it and slippery its meaning into grand implications that allow for the person it is directed at to load and point at themselves right before the one that said it. in real time.

"Initial intrigue inspires and step closer as
usual desire suggests,but leave out of touch"

this is more of the same on expectations. talking about that unawareness that creates goodness.the intial urge and 1st step or moment lived in it. how we make memories that will be like reels of tape in our minds,how we do this best and most pungently when we are not aware of it. i think we do anyways..meditation and prayer i believe are about the futility of it all. meditating for me brought about an awareness of a cycle,a pattern we lapse in and out of feeling like we are there,or on time...lsd kinda did the same..i did a sweat lodge once an it was different but same. visceral escape nto head and rhythm. place to be and is same...but shared....

"w/o affirmation requested"

how do we affirm ourselves? im not what im trying to say. no quarter asked or given. it exists and happens.....(action still takes place)

so u order to better prove i am ignorant , i need to practice more and learn more.about how tired even what i just said is....
funny how i learned to think about negative space/positive space of self/other definitions and endless possible interps of presentation("intentions mean nothing" and "you gotta be doing it for yrself" crud amongst others was thru lonely/alone experience of internet...

On Mar 29, 2010, at 9:21 AM, Jeff Dahlgren wrote:

The following are some questions line for line.
Not indictments . . . just questions for sake of greater clarity. Hopefully.
Clarity is what defines art (at least, this might be one effective definition of ART).

"The artist acts like a mediumistic being who, from the labyrinth beyond time and space, seeks his way out to a clearing." (Duchamp)

Perhaps misunderstanding and aggressive ignorance are ways to gouge
away. (gouge away at what?)

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