Thursday 9 July 2009

1999 SIGN SHOP DAYS-2009


I used to work in sign shops.
Me. I did. This is me speaking to you:
"Hello, I used to work in sign shops."
I used to work in sign shops.
In 1999, I worked in a sign shop where i stared at the back of a writer's head. She is now quasi-famous. She is a lesbian. She had her feelings hurt by me in 2007-because of the internet's abilities,no- because of me. This is me talking to you about real stuff that I did. On the internet. Not what the internet did.
In 1999,sometimes my lesbian writer boss would leave in her fancy car of the month. She was only a year or so older than me. She spent most of her time dealing with her agents,editors,and writer friends from all over the world. We did very little work. I remember she typed so fast she would often have to stop and let the computer catch up. It was 1999. Of my music,she liked Beck's album Midnight Vultures and the Cowboy Junkies.

Sometimes my lesbian writer boss would leave in her sports car of the month. I remember Kid A being released around this time. I would go into chatrooms and talk to people about music. I also played weird computer games that bored me equally. This was a formative time for me with the internet and I did not realize it. The contempt and disassociative relationship I would develop with the internet would stay with me. It would return with a sort of vengeance.

I did not consider the internet real. Or the names on the screen. Even tho'-now that i think about it-a trip to Los Angeles in December of 1999 had me meeting one of the very people I had met in those passive chatroom moments. It was on Venice Beach near Muscle Beach. I walked out to the Pacific Ocean. Somebody yelled at us for walking on the bike path. I found her unappealing. It sort of broke my heart. She was into Built to Spill and was from Idaho. I was rude to her,but not in a direct way. I simply felt awkward and was anxious to meet up with an old friend-the real reason I was in L.A. I left a photo of one of my paintings on her dresser for no reason. I didn't tell her. I hope she is happy out there.
Later in 1999, I began to study Aikido. It was good for me.

That job ended and I left the internet alone for many years. We didn't speak. I would sometimes use it for some of the more common reasons.

I remember a sign shop I worked in. It was in 2005. I was by myself a great deal. Did I mention that during this gap-this space between 1999 and 2005-i had made influential friends and lost a couple influential friends? That I had painted many many paintings? Well- I did. I grew up. We grew up-or I suppose I should say-they grew up.

Names on a screen appeared again. Aikido was a distant memory,but still I clinged to it in my heart-even tho my unhealthy body was revealing other hidden health problems. Health problems that built up and truly revealed their full powers,as it turned out,the very same evening that a famous hurricane clobbered the shit out of New Orleans.
I had returned to the internet.Sitting in my head. Locally this time. Names on a screen again. Trying real hard to be without ego-the bullshit that had become the word i tossed around aikido.. It was an art community i engaged. Names on a screen of imaginary levels of respect. I decided to reveal my ignorance from behind my keyboard. My paintings ,my creativity, had hit a wall. I saw it as nothing to lose.I thought i was going to be embarrassed regularly ,but learning oh so slowly---and what happened? did i learn? find myself? or find others?

So what happened?
I left myself back there somewhere. For better or for worse.
He's lost now. Covered in names and thoughts. I still remeber my lesbian writer's words godammit: YOU GOTTA BE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF.(???)

I will revisit these memories and continue them some other time.
Which brings me to the words that inspired this reflection.
I have taken to heart a certain amount of dedication and desire- and driven myself wihout discipline- and called it emotion. I have gathered words and ideas to weave and whip and write with. To lie with. To perform with. To hide in plain sight with. To masquerade as a quest for Honesty- because "theres no reason to not be honest to names on a screen". Honesty(whatever) shifts- from myself-as something i call a reaction to life. Just as i call art the same thing.This becomes all there is. So now what? Point at it? Show my hand?
anyways...i am still banging against that wall. Call me painter. poet. performance artist.art critic?(art crit as art,if you will) eggtooth. jeff. jerk. whatever...the work is what matters in the end.
IT is either- or it isnt. relative to who for what reason. It sometimes becomes that very reason. To exist by not existing in its perfect normalcy,Its mundane reality. Closing that gap between life and art. Biting the hand that feeds us the freedom. It's conflicted ideals of sense of self and fame and goals and money. and value. and community. Locally. Glocally..whatever. I wrap around on myself and attempt to sneak an artist statement into a confession.
sometimes things inspire me...i just go from there in that moment....seems the eternal symptom is that moment shifts its origin eternally.
anyways..here's Kenny Goldsmith words i read tonight:


KENNY GOLDSMITH'S WORDS BEGIN HERE:

Arif,

The identity politics battles of the past twenty years have done wonders and have given voice to many that have been denied. And there is still so much work to be done: so many voices are still marginalized and ignored. It’s a long road ahead and every effort must be made to be made to ensure that those who have something to say have a place to say it and an audience to hear it. The importance of this work cannot be underestimated.

Identity is a slippery thing and no single approach can nail it. Also, citing the need for difference, we’re never going to feel the same way on anything — a good thing. We all come from different places and circumstances, which is something to be celebrated. To be prescriptive or to make generalizations regarding circumstances of economies, classes, religions and races is counterproductive.

I really don’t think that there’s a stable or essential “me.” I am an amalgamation of so many things: books I’ve read, movies I’ve seen, televisions shows I’ve watched, all the exchange and sharing of thoughts during conversations with people — the melding of our minds, the song lyrics I’ve heard, the lovers I’ve loved. The discussion that we’re having right now is changing and challenging who I thought I was profoundly. And for that I’m grateful.

In fact, I’m a creation of many people and many ideas to the point where I feel that I’ve actually had very few original thoughts and ideas; to think that any of this was original would be blindingly egotistical. Sometimes I’ll think that I’ve had an original thought or feeling and then, at 2 a.m. while watching an old movie on TV that I hadn’t seen in many years, the protagonist will spout something that I had previously claimed as my own. In other words, I took his words (which, of course, weren’t really “his words” at all), internalized them and made them my own. This happens all the time.


Often — mostly unconsciously — I’ll model my identity of myself on some image that I’ve been pitched to by an advertisement. When I’m trying on clothes in a store, I will bring forth that image that I’ve seen in an ad and mentally insert myself and my image into it. It’s all fantasy. I would say that an enormous part of my identity has been adopted from advertising. I very much live in this culture; how could I possibly ignore such powerful forces? Is it ideal? Probably not. Would I like not to be so swayed by the forces of advertising and consumerism? Of course, but I would be kidding myself if I didn’t admit that this was a huge part of who I am as a member of this culture.

As a previous commenter mentioned, transgendered persons are deeply committed to not being what they were born into. So many people who are not thrilled with the way they were born courageously labor their whole lives to adopt new and fluid identities. Others, such as transsexual persons are in a constant state of remaking themselves. I feel inspired by such fluid and changeable notions of identity.

On the internet, these tendencies move in different directions. With much less commitment than it takes in meatspace, we can project various personas with mere stokes of a keyboard. In this chatroom, I’m a woman; on this blog, I’m a political conservative; in this forum, I’m a middle-aged golfer. And I never get called out for not being authentic or real. On the contrary, I am addressed as “madam,” or “you right-wing asshole.” In fact, Mr. Kahn, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were writing under a pseudonym right now. Not only would I forgive you, I’ve come to expect that the person I think I’m addressing on the internet isn’t really “that person.” Fascinating, no?

If my identity is really up for grabs and changeable by the minute — as I believe it is — it’s important that my writing reflect this state of ever-shifting identity and subjectivity. That can mean adopting voices that aren’t “mine,” subjectivities that aren’t “mine,” political positions that aren’t “mine,” opinions that aren’t “mine,” words that aren’t “mine,” because in the end, I don’t think that I can possibly define what’s “mine” and what isn’t.

BUT — and here’s where subjectivity enters — it’s my choices that make the work “mine.” I have chosen — for some specific reason — a certain text to appropriate or to reframe. For example, in a recent piece of mine, I have appropriated the entire interrogation session between Senator Larry Craig and the policeman who arrested him. I haven’t done a thing to the text, I’ve just reprinted the whole thing. Why? I thought it was such a revealing text, full of prejudice and hypocrisy from both sides. It was something much more profound — even surreal — than anything I could ever have invented. In the end, it’s a beautiful piece of writing.

Sometimes, by reproducing texts in a non-interventionist way, we can shed light on political issues in a more profound and illuminating way than we can by conventional critique. If we wished to critique globalism, for example, I can imagine that reproducing / framing the transcript as from yesterday’s G8 summit meeting where they refused to ratify climate control threats would reveal much more about the truth of the situation than I could possibly say. Often, I feel it’s better to let the text be what it is — generally, as in the case of the G8, they’ll incriminate and hang themselves with their own stupidity. I call this poetry.

I feel as writers we try too hard. No matter what we do with language, it will be expressive. How could it be otherwise? In fact, I feel it is impossible working with language not to express oneself. If we back off and let the material do it’s work, we might even in the end be able to surprise and delight ourselves with the results.

Peace,
Kenneth Goldsmith
KENNY GOLDSMITHS WORDS END HERE FOREVER.



I've just printed out a 20 page thing of KG'S on conceptual poetics. I am a poet.(that was actually kinda hard to write) I have been in a group called the Atlanta Poets Group for over a year now. I hate it when people sign off with "peace".
(Things that are "hard to write" are an interesting thing.)
i would say it
is because they are honest. but
maybe thats only sometimes.
a friend of mine...mister lowercase..
i wld say his real name but
i bet that wld piss him off for some reason-is of utmost influence on my base formative formally figurings of my core as a creatin' creature. (im just now gettin round to trying to crunch words and visualz together.that ancient thing.
uugh.
i wanna open a
restaurant and call it: Po Mo Folks.
wanna help me
with the menu
items?

12 comments:

  1. i was here reading quite a while. (it's very hard to me to read and write in english, but i try.)


    i am a poet (am i? , i dont really know) and i think that everything i write is somekind of surrealistic conversation with the world and with the everything in it. It's true that it's sometimes difficult to say things that is "original original" my own, but everything has said so many times here in the world.


    i also think that if i write a word "fish" and someboby else write a word "fish" that is not the same. we are not the same person. we have our own histories and personalities.(this is propably a big self-evident.)

    i think that my writings and doings (vispos etc.) are just by-products. To me the most important part is being within the process: that moment when i'm creating : that what is happening inside of my mind at that specific moment. that the most important.


    of course i hope that my works are a kind of awakening for the viewer. i hope that my works could be an inspiration for new ideas somewhere.


    i'm very glad that i found your blog. it has given me so much inspiration. and i have started to write again. so internet is not always a bad place altought i have thought so.

    to me internet is a big tool. Finland is so small country that the internet is a window away from here.

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  3. troylloyd-(first! is all,like totally goood!,..but but but!-I'm wishing you had not dropped clear clues to the writer's identity! praps i will figure out how to edit it? dont go in and delete it entirely,tho-if u dont mind. at most..just edit and repost some more of yr flavorful thoughts.
    I'm not supposed to be mentioning her name anymore in any way shape or form...!i want to respect that.she deserves it. I really probably shouldn't have even mentioned her at all,but it was relevant to a time period. and you know how i felt about that time. she was very good to me and an important person to me,even if it was over a period of years reduced (elevated?) to just a sort of symbolic shadow in my skull. i feel extreme stupid guilt for what i did,knowing it exposed a really weak truth to my nature.i thought i was being funny one night-alluding to personal knowledge in a public forum. i had made her into less than a person- when i thought what i was doing was being more of a person-playing with my eggtooth sense of bs and internet reality- i was using her name and accomplishments in internal and what became the classic shallow external way...in the strokes of a few keys,i destroyed a ten year relationship.or whatever it had become...i think after 10 years,she'd kinda grown tired of my routine of playing mentor/apprentice checking in act. (sometimes i feel what i wrote really wasnt that bad and it just gave her the opp to sever what had grown apart anyways)either way..it was a bad case of name dropping on my part,i didnt think it was at the time,but it was.
    i kinda feel guilt for having never read one of her books! ha! that genre isnt really my cup o tea,tho. I really really screwed up with her. ((thats what happens when spontaneity,"beer",and delusional sense of self-internet identity-importance bloat into a late-night comment posts))

    satu! yr thoughts return inspiration! your english writing is fine and dandy-i find it to have a certain unique saturating strength..it's very to the heart and warming and makes me honestly smile.
    your blogs -o- works are stunningly beautiful! i have spent some time looking at what you do and how gentle your fingers must often be. in computers and in earth tactile paper space(i will start expressing these feelings on your blog)

    i thank you so much for following what i am up to. yr a gifted weirdo and im happy as happy can be to be aware of what yr doin. yr defintely a poet. holy smoke...yr a poet. and apparently first and foremost an honest genuine groovy great person.
    but as KG points out(the obvious?)--that could all be not real. you could be anything or anybody! heh heh..but im going to go with the idea i have created of you based on what i have read and seen (and sometimes at the same time)...it's real enough to me!wow.

    ReplyDelete
  4. e instead of i

    an author removed
    the delete on erase

    "gummy rubber"

    a favorite phrase

    i gotta gallon of milk.

    the average price of a massmarket
    paperback book is $7.99

    "cigarette breaks are like sentences
    smoking a paragraph. the ashtray
    is fulla butts which are all of
    our endings. lips. lungs. breath.
    extinguished."

    sorry about the roundabout hint hint,
    direct title, but ironic as i had read
    this post before grocery store & then
    the bookshelf made me pick it up & read
    a little bits.

    here's my conceptual poem to segueway
    into another dimension:

    BONUS 100 SIZE
    SPRING VALLEY
    VITAMIN #1 BRAND

    Standardized Extract

    St. John's Wort

    MOOD SUPPORT

    Herbal Supplement

    72 + 28 CAPSULES

    etc.
    i'm not gonna write out
    the whole damn label.

    i feel like a parody.

    my drive comes & goes,
    it's nearly manic.

    on but mostly off.

    lazy deranged sleep
    w/ whispering dreams.

    anyways, here's the link:


    a fairly wide survey of conceptual writing in the Drunken Boat

    1. informational texts (surveys; polls; maps; statistical charts; chronologies; diagrams;

    2. conspiracy theories; research results)

    3. notational projects (diaries; ongoing notes; classroom notes; records; lists; inventories;

    4. specialised glossaries and lexicons)

    5. annotational projects (annotations of other texts)

    6. pseudo theory; pseudo poetics, pseudo philosophy; pseudo theology; pseudo manifestos; pseudo research

    7. amateur science and pseudo sciences (investigations into: linguistics; etymology; astrology; astronomy; biology; 'pataphysics or "pataphysics)

    8. occult writings (automatic writing; ouija board transcriptions; transcriptions of divinations; predictions; tarot readings of persons or texts)

    9. found texts and found text-objects (scans or transcripts of interesting documents; posters; ephemera; ads; letters; notes; signs; report cards)

    10. collections of texts (blurbs; phone messages; subject lines; typos in famous works)

    11. interviews from interesting social contexts (faked or real; raw transcriptions of speech)

    12. documentary writings and mockumentary writings

    13. alphabetic projects (new alphabets; spelling reforms; codes; encryptions, stereograms)

    14. scriptural projects (i.e., investigations of how scriptural systems and technologies interact with writing)

    15. excerpts from artists' book projects (incl text-based photographic projects; photos of book sculptures)

    16. photos/snapshots with significant textual content/context

    17. conceptual writing; text-based conceptual works

    18. uncreative writing

    19. text-based visual art

    20. outsider writings

    21. graphic musical scores

    22. certain cut-ups, aleatoric and erasure writings

    23. certain visual/concrete poetry

    24. certain flarf

    25. certain song lyrics (if appreciable as "outsider" texts)

    further:
    Tactics of Nonexistence

    July 11, 2009 6:55 AM

    ReplyDelete
  5. July 11, 2009 6:49 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:50 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:51 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:52 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:53 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:54 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:55 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:56 AM
    July 11, 2009 6:57 AM

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  6. PoMoFolks:

    The Naked Lunch Special
    a fork
    served with
    a napkin & a pencil


    The Uncreative Burger
    a yummy list of
    nutrional content
    served with a side of irony fries


    NeoExpressionist CheeseSteak
    our messiest sandwich
    comes with a heapful
    of painterliness


    Chicken ala Stein
    a chicken
    is a chicken
    is a chicken


    Hirst SharkSteak
    formaldehyde has never tasted better!

    Existentialist Delight
    combo platter of angst,
    agony, & unanswered questions


    Fluxus Soup
    ...there's a fly,

    Provisional Ribs
    no actual ribs, just the sauce

    please check our comprehensive
    drink list for all the options,
    including the house ale favorite,
    Finnegans Wake 'n Bake

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  8. You should be doing it for yourself, not for any external person.

    When training, you should be doing it for yourself.

    Most importantly, you should be doing it for yourself.

    But if they're not, you should be doing it for yourself.

    Which I know, someone's going to say "You should be doing it for yourself, not the attention you get".

    There must times where you have wondered whether you should be doing it for yourself.

    But remember, you should be doing it for yourself.

    You should be doing it for yourself anyway (no matter how cliche that is).

    It is good that you are trying to do something nice for yourself but really you should be doing it for yourself.

    And other times you should be doing it for yourself.

    Ultimately, you should be doing it for yourself.

    You shouldn't be doing it to make anyone else happy, you should be doing it for yourself.

    No matter how often you're led to believe everything you do is for the eye of the guy, you should be doing it for yourself.

    You should be doing it for yourself, not for society.

    Honestly, you should be doing it for yourself....not strangers on the internet, good luck.

    You should be doing it for yourself, for your own wellbeng and health.

    You shouldn't be doing it "for me".....you should be doing it for yourself.

    Also I agree with another self who said if you are having a creative engagement, you should be doing it for yourself.

    You're not doing it for the boss at work, you should be doing it for yourself, and yourself only.

    You should be doing it for yourself and no one else.

    You should be doing it for yourself and your other selves, not just some washed up former identities who are living our dreams through you.

    Sayang lang luha mo" then ikaw naman di na iiyak thinking na you're doing it for them but actually you should be doing it for yourself.

    If you're breaking the rules, you should be doing it for yourself, not for effect.

    If you love the game enough, you should be doing it for yourself.

    In order to show you the most relevant results, we have omitted some entries very similar to the 29 already displayed.
    If you like, you can repeat the search with the omitted results included.


    damn, a rich field for a googpoom,
    usually it's not so easy,
    couldn't believe all this came from just 29 hits,
    what are these people talking about?

    ReplyDelete
  9. holy moses! the menu items are funny as heck!
    and darn good idea on googin the gotta be doin it for yrself thing...that phrase is funny...it's simply a safe thing to say to someone who seems unsure.that way the sayer can seem so assured. money sure males some seem assured..not to say there have not been artists who had financial success that didnt die from misery.-but what if being unsure is their thing anyways? oh goodness is that steering into nihilism? uugh.i think it actually drives a (insert yr favorite over-the-top expensive sports car here) right into a non-existent wall of nihilism and does nothing.

    was reading about beltline artists project from wonderroot.i find it inspiring. i really wanna cook up a way to use atl's layout and mobile zip zip..it aint like harings subways or basquiats street sayings on footpaths,or even banksy---uggh,baaaanksy-there has to be a way to use atl's layout and use the public to ,to,to....observe what? about something specific like the beltline? meh...i mean,i like their idea,and i have seen some of the pieces and their neat--but i wldnt have known what their deal was without internet articles and also hapenninging 2 b the kind of guy who looks in those circles of art info.
    so who is it for?
    hmmm
    artists? "
    "the people"?
    okay-lets say its for artists: if thats the case then putting up cute pictures is kinda of a self existing thing...its more of a gesture..know what i mean? it represents an idea rather than being an idea....so again..im inspired by the idea.i kinda feel the same about polyphons,by the way...i wish i cld think of ways to use them now that we have def. established we do them.
    the public interruptions of at:i think it shld be able to stand alone tho...the things i saw were ..well..neat..cool images,but
    heck i dunno. i can make a case in any direction for ambiguity..interruptions and confusion etc...but these dont cause that. they just seem like an artist(s) decided to put paintings up in public. maybe if tauches took her billboard idea and did it up huge,the scale of it in its ambiuguity would be interesting.
    im going to flora maria garcia's house tomorrow for a gathering slash fundraiser elbow rubber event. maybe i should draw me a shirt like chippendale does and go.( i actually did that in 8th grade and wore it to school..i drew on a plain white undershirt (the IRS detective logo) and it was really bad and brandon cleveland made fun of me...
    he said ""hey jeff-did u draw that shirt?"

    chcken ala stein..wut does that taste like?
    i will take 76 partial orders-is it is on the all u can u all can can u eat u can eat menu as well as well as well as u can.menu?
    heck i dont know.
    the menu items you wrote were funny as heck.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Add stuff »
    New! Get iGoogle for Android and iPhone

    "It is the fantasy of seizing reality live that continues -- ever since Narcissus bent over his spring. Surprising the real in order to immobilize it, suspending the real in the expiration of its double; It is no longer possible to fabricate the unreal from the real, the imaginary from the givens of the real. The process will, rather, be the opposite: it will be to put decentered situations, models of simulation in place and to contrive to give them the feeling of the real, of the banal, of lived experience, to reinvent the real as fiction, precisely because it has disappeared from our life."

    "analysis of traces"

    "leach away the significance of narrative point of view and subjectivity"

    "an acute sensitivity to the trite, the futile, the banal, and the insignificant"

    "aesthetic is the same thing as anesthetic, something to put you to sleep"

    "parody is becoming more and more of an impossibility because the art system at this stage is merely a series of one-liners and put-ons of its original self"

    "the stuff laying around the object...grew more important than the object itself"

    "exploration of boredom"

    "mirror may flect a daze, today is only yesterdays tomorrow,, toilet plumbing sewer stream ocean, bodies upon bodies inside selves within selves, writing can only lead to reading and all readings must come to an end, reread, pages ain't paper and words wreak free, this space will always remain this space, click back to blank and only lurking underneath the impossibility of meaning, the possibility of remaining, finish this end."

    July 11, 2009 11:19 AM

    ReplyDelete
  11. another chunk of tooth broke off while at po folks today.
    i can believe it.
    we actually went to po folks. "folks"..whatever.
    i had fried chicken(brst & wing),grilled tilapia done lemon n herb style,fried shrimps, french fries, peach muffin.coca-cola,salad w/ cucumber,tomato,iceberg lettuce,croutons.
    wasnt my choice 2 go there...was funny 2 me.
    obviously-i stuffed myself silly.

    not sure about those quotes..i like em.exploration of boredom is around it..anesthetic is interesting,but also just a bit outside.
    im still thinking in terms of that gap between real and reaction.it isnt nihilist.aint a lie..its neither..i guess it's the process itself.

    ReplyDelete
  12. collage: me play copyclerk
    w/ quoting conceptualists

    'cept th ending finish,
    mine or mine i & i

    the name 'Folks' is unagreeable,
    i dunno why they dropt th 'Po' ?
    sweet tea catfish
    cornbread okra
    fond memories of tablecloth

    critical excerpt on unboring boring
    (such fun should cost much money)
    :
    "...here we arrive at the essence of the aesthetic regime, as defined by Rancière, that, contrary to much contemporary theorizing, Art's muteness and lack of (classical) artistry is not the result of an allegiance to abstraction, medium specificity, or any other "formalist" principle. It is not even essentially determined by the infrathin space of the page in which it was first spawned. For Rancière, the only essential quality of (modern, or aesthetic) Art is that its form, or mode of being, is divided against itself.

    In the aesthetic regime, artistic phenomena are...inhabited by a heterogeneous power, the power of a form of thought that has become foreign to itself: a product identical with something not produced, knowledge transformed into non-knowledge, logos identical with pathos, the intention of the unintentional, etc..."

    & also:

    "Literature is the act of writing that specifically addresses those who should not read."

    "boring with all the boring taken out"

    "However "post-modern", the unboring boring is simply one more phase in this poetics of impotentcy, an anaesthetic that continuously stages its own disappearance without (its) ever coming."

    corn-on-the-cob
    drubbing butter

    is this seat taken?

    ReplyDelete

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